It's a beautiful day, and I'm in a slump

I'm broke.

I'm irresponsible.

I put forth too conscious an effort to make myself fit with the sway of the world while standing out at the same time.

I have no idea what I want. Except one thing, and I'm too afraid of it to make it any further than pursuit.

For the love of God, why am I allowing myself to sink into this mess?