Saturday, April 19, 2008

Welcome to the real world

            There comes a day when you wake up, turn around and are unable to recognize yourself in a mirror. Your values, opinions, lifestyle, goals, everything, has changed. The things that used to be important and worry you have vanished and worked themselves out. You’ve somehow managed to figure out the lessons from your mistakes in the past. Life isn’t perfect, but you’re coming up to the horizon. The world looks totally different from the top of the mountain at sunrise.

            If I were to walk through the halls of my high school, I’d feel so odd. I am still the same person, but my life is nowhere near what it was when I trampled the brownstone tile floor daily. I have become a part of a completely different world. I would feel two faced, like I was hiding something. Not because I’m ashamed, but because I’ve been skyrocketed from the conservative Bible belt mentality and the normal American lifestyle. An entire part of my life they have no clue about, and would utterly shock them if they knew. 

Saturday, April 5, 2008

April, you might prove me wrong

Well, so far, my doubts about a fair april have been proven wrong. The past three days have been a complete 180 from the weeks before. I've been giddy and cheerful and I feel like the best version of myself is coming out more and more. I am slowly picking the important lessons out of the messes I found myself in a year ago and applying them to situations and relationships of today.  The best part? The greatest hours of the past three days are all results of unplanned coincidences. Oh, how I love coincidences.

It's a bummer that everything is so fantastic, but with only a little over a month left in the semester to enjoy it. While most people are anxious for summer to arrive and overjoyed about the fall semester, I'm dreading both. I love the life I've settled into here. The faces I see every day around Bruce have become my family, and many of them are leaving for the military, other schools or will be moving into places of their own in Denton. I know that next semester, my life will be nothing like it has been this past year. In some ways, that might be good, but on the other hand, I will miss the faces I see daily the most. 

I have a feeling I'm going to go mad this summer. After adjusting and growing used to a completely self-sufficient life devoid any responsibility, going back to living with my mother, having a job and car, and actually having chores and shit to do is going to be an adjustment I'm probably going to be disgruntled in making. I won't have the built-in social life and atmosphere that living in a dorm provides, nor will I be near the majority of my college family, which has grown quite large. Don't get me wrong, it will be amazing to be able to see my high school friends again, but it will be hard to go from seeing people 24/7 to not at all for three months. 

I look forward with a new perspective of not holding back and coasting through life with a quarter tank. I may not have epic stories or tons of adventure, but by jove, I'm going to enjoy everything that I do.