fuck spring

Spring. The time of birth, love, blossoming, etc. It's supposed to be happy and pretty. Well fuck spring. 

 I hate spring, or rather, I hate how everything goes wrong in spring. March- April were not fair to me in the least last year, and its shaping up to be a pattern.

 The realization that the my best friend since childhood and I have drifted so far a part that our friendship has little likelihood to last through the next year is continually knocking me off my feet. 

I'm still reaping the reprecussions of the falling hard enough for someone to do anything about it and ruining the friendship because of it. April 3rd will be the first anniversary of the beginning of the worst mental state i've been in yet, the wedding one of my closest friends from high school and the 19th birthday of my best friend in the entire world. 

I've had four-some-odd relationship possibilities/attempts this year, which is more than I've ever had, but none have materialized.

 One of my closest friends in college is moving to Austin next year. 

My roommate has a new boyfriend, so I never see her. I realize now that I get reallllly lonely when there's nobody that I can consistantly unload to at the end of one of my crazy hectic days, so I wind up depressed a lot. 

And to top it all off, in less than two weeks, I will be broke. Literally. And without a car. I got into an accident because I was too nice to say 'no' to my boss and kept delivering sandwiches despite the fact there was a literal blizzard outside, and I lost traction and slid into another car, resulting in $600- $1700 in damage, depending on where my mom decides to let me take it to get replaced. So, no more car. No more money. Maybe I can suck a raise out of it, but who knows. 

If this is how spring is going to be every year, I'm gonna make like a bear and hibernate til summer.