Saturday, June 28, 2008

Children. The epitome of innocence, a representation of the stage of life that is to be most protected, valued, and reflected upon fondly. Someday, I'm sure my mind will return to its original ecstatic anticipation for my own chance at motherhood, but at this stage of my life, the saturation of my summer days with the presence and responsibility of near-constant childcare is simply wearing me out. They are trying my patience. I need a vacation from my mother and from children. I need to be reminded that I am indeed 19, in college, and closing in on ultimate independance. 

I miss my brother. We have this... understanding of each other that nobody else in the world could have of either of us. It's like we know eachother's souls, inside and out. This past year has been hardest in that aspect. I miss driving my brother to and from school every day and telling him everything that's happening, having deep philosophical conversations, and throwing limes at each other. If I had to choose, and it wouldn't break my dad's heart, I wish that my brother could give me away at my hypothetical wedding. By every right and nature, he should. Silly traditions. 

Every year at this time, I go through a self-doubt phase during which I lose my satisfaction with journalism. One year, I really felt called to something with kids instead of working for a newspaper or magazine. Last year, I thought about going back to nursing. Now, I'm just not sure if I want to slave my life away to writing or designing, or doing anything that required documenting lives as opposed to experiencing them. I have developed a keen interest and fascination with children and people that live completely normal lives despite handicaps, Down's Syndrome, Autism, and so forth. I don't want to be a teacher... or a doctor... or psychology related anything, but I felt a tug towards these people. I really want to be a camp counselor. I'd just have to find some sort of regular escape to remind myself of my adulthood. But I really want to. The woods... the whole camp experience... and the fact that I'd be influencing a kid's summer, childhood, and memories. 

I've recently discovered the magic of film cameras. So far, I've had two rolls. I lost my printer cables, though, so I cannot scan my photos until I take the time to dig around. 

I hope everyone is having the most fantastic summer, full of memorable excitement :]

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